Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
The best revenge is premature balding
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
