he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
high people should be assigned attendants
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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