i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
