I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
