I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
