I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
