I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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