I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
