since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
