Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
he was CRYING into my vagina
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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