drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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