I think i peed on brittanys purse
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
