he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
