I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
