I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
