I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I came so hard my ears popped.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
