You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
