i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
