Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
