did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I don't deserve a penis
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm determined to sit on that face.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Two words: nipple clamps
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