The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
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