what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
