Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
