im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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