i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
tell me about the fingering
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
