The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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