Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
