Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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