Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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