When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
