u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
