I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
