By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
