Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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