Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
do herpes really smell.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
