if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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