I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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