I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
