He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
