Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
