all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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