He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
