brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
