Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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