I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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