Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
