Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
