just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Holy shit dude........stairs
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
