My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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