So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
