so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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