You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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